Billy and the treadmill Part Deux

I have come to realize that there is a small percentage of the population who insist on using treadmills improperly. After telling my mother about Billy and his treadmill adventures (see Billy and the treadmill post below) she scolded me for not helping the young man learn how to use the treadmill properly. She told me that most people don't go to the gym because they don't know what they are doing and don't want people staring at them while they try to figure it out. I tried to assure her that I didn't stare at Billy. I just really really wanted him to figure it out for himself. It's like teaching a child how to walk. You can help them but ultimately they have to do it on their own.

So yesterday during my visit to the gym there was a gentleman who decided that he wanted to get some cardio in on the treadmill. He had a choice of three working treadmills and one not-so-working treadmill. Of course he chose the one that was not working. In his defense there was no sign on the machine saying it was broken. So how did I know that it wasn't working? I think the most obvious part of it's non-functionality was that the treadmill was basically sticking straight up in the air. Whoever used it last had set the incline very high. Apparently the treadmill stopped working while it was still set on an incline. When the guy stepped on the treadmill the belt started to turn because the emergency magnet was missing (another sign that the treadmill is broken). So the guy stood on the sides of the treadmill and worked his way to the top only to find he couldn't actually get the treadmill to run. So what does any sane person do at this point? Step on the belt and ride your way off the treadmill! Luckily this guy chose a different treadmill and was able to figure out how to use that one.

I'm sure there will come a point in time when I am standing on a treadmill trying to figure out how to make it work. It seems inevitable.

Here is handy checklist to use when determining if a treadmill is broken:

If you answer yes to any of these questions, the treadmill is broken so move on to the next one:

1) Is the emergency magnet/card missing?
2) Is the treadmill still on an incline even though no one is using it?
3) Is there a sign on the treadmill that says it's broken?
4) Are chunks of the belt missing?
5) Is the treadmill on fire?

For Tori

You're welcome...

Hilarity.

Now that Evan is working full time and taking 2 classes we have very little time to play wheel of fortune online. Well that and the fact that our free trial expired and none of the other games are as cool. So I have been in search of something else to occupy my time while at work. Never mind the fact that my student teaching starts in less than a month. I stumbled across a website that has brought me a few laughs and thought I should share it with my loyal readers. (Haha!)

http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Transformer/ Basically you upload your picture and can transform your face into what you would look like as several different ethnicities and ages. Here are some of mine...you're gonna love these!

Me as a baby...a very happy baby.

Me as an old woman. I still got it even at 85!

Me as a man. (This one made me laugh out loud!)

Me as an East-Asian.

Me as an ape...and probably the scariest picture you've ever seen.

A Botticelli painting of me.

If you are looking for about 20 minutes of good ol' fashion fun, then click the link above and try it out.

Billy and the treadmill

In a previous post I talked about the effectiveness of treadmills and ellipticals. I've been using an elliptical during my workouts and I feel like it's actually working. I guess I just needed to push myself a little harder. On an elliptical if you slow down then the machine slows down. On a treadmill that's not the case unless you push the button to decrease the speed. If you don't push that button and decide to slow down then you'll be in trouble.

Speaking of treadmills, recently I had a rather hilarious adventure at the gym. I took my position atop one of the ellipticals and started my workout. I selected the weight loss button because I trust the manufacturers of this machine to know how to make me lose weight. I began my workout and was well on my way to burning a few hundred calories when I noticed 2 guys walking into the gym. They didn't really look like gym buffs and because of the events that soon transpired I think it was one of the guys' first time.

One guy, we'll call him Jimathin, decided to use an elliptical. I don't see many guys using the elliptical. I think it's been stereotyped as more of a machine for the ladies although I'm not sure why (maybe it's the idiotic arm movement that is associated with working out on this machine and the thought that "real men run".) Anyway so while Jimathin is working out, his friend Billy decides he will try out the treadmill. Billy gets on the treadmill and is looking over the equipment trying to figure out how to make it work. Instead of simply pushing the "on" button he decides the best thing to do is remove the emergency magnet thus rendering the treadmill useless. Once the magnet is removed the treadmill will turn on but the belt won't turn. Billy tries everything (except putting the magnet back) to make the treadmill work. He even goes so far as to place is hands on the bar that sits in front of the display and force the treadmill belt to move by pushing with his feet. He actually got going at a pretty good speed but could only keep it up for a minute or two.

I kept waiting for someone to go over and show him how to use it. After about ten minutes (seriously) of powering the treadmill with his own force Billy decided he'd had enough and moved to a different part of the gym. I was still on the elliptical when I saw Billy return. This time he decided to use a different treadmill. I'm sure he was thinking, "Maybe this one will work. They should really fix that broken one." When I saw him get on the treadmill I literally thought, "Oh good he'll figure it out this time." Sadly he did not. As soon as he could he removed the magnet. When I saw him do this I actually got angry! Although it was none of my business how this man worked out, I wanted him to figure out how to work the treadmill because it was so simple! So he does his little push the belt with his feet thing and then gets off. I decided that I would help him by getting on a treadmill and showing him how it's done. By the time I got on the treadmill Billy had moved to the stationary bike ( a pretty self-explanatory machine...and no magnets). I got on the treadmill anyway hoping he would see that they do in fact work when the emergency magnet is in place. I'm not sure if he saw me. And I guess it doesn't really matter.

Ewwww

Have you ever been walking down a flight of stairs and all of the sudden your brain forgets to tell your legs how to move and you end up eating it for the whole world to see? No? Well yesterday I was quickly making my way down some stairs and apparently forgot how to maneuver them while I was maneuvering them! I can't actually explain what happened. I didn't trip or step on half of the step and fall forward. I was walking and then all of the sudden didn't know what to do with my right foot. It's like I fell asleep for a split second, forgot I was walking down stairs, then woke up, realized where I was, but didn't have enough time to tell my brain to tell my legs to move. So I totally ate it on the stairs. It was hilarious; one of those events where you wish you were walking with a friend because you would have just died laughing. I, on the other hand, pretended my phone was ringing (it was on silent) and started talking on it so I wouldn't feel so stupid as I passed the people that had just seen me fall. But after I passed those people I felt stupid for talking to my phone. So I just "hung up" and started laughing.

Although I wish this had been the most hilarious thing that happened to me yesterday, it was not. Anyone that knows me understands that I am slightly paranoid about certain things. I have to make sure the door is locked at least 2 times before going to bed. I check, recheck, and touch the burners on the stove to make sure they are off. I text my husband every other morning after I leave and ask him to make sure I turned off my straightener. I know I turned it off...but that little voice inside keeps saying, "What if you didn't? What if you come home and the whole apartment complex is a pile of ashes because of your careless ways?" Thus the text.

The list above of the things I am slightly obsessive about does not end there. I often wonder before using the bathroom what I would do if there happened to be a spider hiding under the toilet seat. Sometimes I lift the toilet seat to check, but most of the time I have to go so bad I don't care. So "fear of spider under toilet seat" isn't high on the paranoia list, although it is there. Well, lucky for me, Paranoid Polly, fear confirmed. Last night I was doing my "biznass" in the bathroom and went to flush the toilet. What to my wondering eyes did appear? Something that looked like a spider, I feared! Carefully hanging under the toilet seat, but just far enough out that I could see it was what I thought was a granddaddy long leg. Surprisingly I didn't scream. I grabbed some toilet paper and disposed of the creature. It actually turned out to be a mosquito hawk which isn't really any better simply because it was an insect that was close to a part of my body that no insect should ever come within 100 feet of. So yes, insects can and do hide under toilet seats. Just let the paranoia set in. You'll get used to it.

This is what was camping out under the toilet seat. Ok it wasn't this big, but still gross. Through writing this post I've actually learned a lot about mosquito hawks:
1) They aren't called mosquito hawks.
2)Their proper name is crane fly.
3) They do not eat mosquitoes.
4) The adults either don't eat or feed on roots.
5) I still don't want them near my butt.
http://jancology.com/blog/archives/2003/10/04/tipula_oleracea.html

Wedding

Congratulations to Kjirsten and Moussa on getting married! Here's a little somethin' somethin' I did at work. It's right about now that I'm thinking I should get a life. (Click and hold on the pictures and they will expand so you can see them better!)