Letters

Dear street solicitor,

I think it's great that you are trying to help the environment. Personally, I feel like I help the environment a lot because I do not own a car and use public transportation everywhere I go. I also use reusable water bottles, and only do laundry once a week. I do let the water run when I brush my teeth, so I could improve on that. But I want you to think for a moment. You see me approaching you and I have an infant strapped to my chest, a 3 year old holding onto my hand, and a stroller filled with Target bags because I bought way too much stuff and am now tasked with getting it all home. Please do not try to talk to me. It's not your fault I bought too much stuff. That's on me. But I am in no position to have any sort of intelligent conversation with you. My main goal is to get my children and my belongings onto a train that will take us home as quickly as possible. That's what I'm focused on. I cannot stray from this focus. If my attention is diverted for even a second, before I know it I will have a screaming baby and a tantruming 3 year old. I gotta keep these kids happy and sane for the next 30 minutes while we get home. Yes, I think everyone should be environmentally conscience. I think everyone could do more to help the planet. But right now you can just get out of my way and not be offended when all I can muster is a frown smile and shaking my head "no" as I pass you by. I promise I'll pick up some litter at the playground. And I'll teach my kids to be kind to the earth. But right now I just need to catch the next train home.

Kindly,
leave me alone


Dear dog owners,

Please pick up your dog's feces. Yep, it's gross. That's one of the main reasons I think I'll never have a dog. I can't deal with more poop. Especially dog poop. I wish I was brave enough to stop you and ask you to pick it up when you just walk away from your dog's business. But I'm not. So be a nice person and pick it up so we don't have to play "dodge the poop" on our way home.

Sincerely,
tired of poop


Dear overly affectionate teenagers,

I know. You're "in love". But  no one wants to see it. And I really don't enjoy trying to explain to my 3 year old what you're doing. So show some class.

Sincerely,
wanting you to get a room but think that would be highly inappropriate for someone your age


Dear summer,

Please don't be unbearable this year. Please.

Sincerely,
not ready to sweat 24/7