About 6 months ago I wrote this post on 6 things I've learned since becoming a mom. Now that Blake is a year old, I wanted to write 6 more things I've learned. So, in no particular order:
1. It is possible to get places on time. It just takes preparation and organization.
This mostly applies to Sunday mornings. A few months ago I dreaded Sunday mornings. I'd lay in bed on Saturday night and go over the game plan for the morning. I'd wake up early and shower before Blake woke up. Then I'd get as ready as I could until I heard him wake up. After that it was chaos until we were out the door to catch the train.
One Sunday in particular stands out in my mind. I was ready to go and just needed to get my keys. But, they weren't in my usual "key" place. After searching for a few minutes and calling my husband to ask if he knew where they were, I still had no clue where my keys were. The clock was ticking and I knew we were going to end up being late. I became so enraged that I kicked one of Blake's toys and broke it. Ok, so not one of my better moments in life. I was just so angry that everything was going smoothly so we could make it to church on time and in the blink of an eye it all fell apart. It was on that Sunday that I decided it was my fault for hating Sunday mornings. So now, I get anything I can get ready on Saturday night so I don't have to worry about it on Sunday. And things usually work out nicely.
All bets are off when we have another kid, though.
2. Babies cry. And cry. And cry some more.
I've just kind of gotten used to Blake's crying at this point. It's one of the only ways he can communicate with me at this point in his life.
3. Try to enjoy each stage.
Honestly, it's hard for me to even remember when Blake was first born. I don't really remember him being that small. And that makes me sad. I feel like I was so excited for him to reach each new milestone that I forgot to cherish whatever stage he was in. (Note to self: Cherish him whining about how his duct tape rolled under the couch and he can't reach it. Pretty soon it will be him whining about how we won't let him drive somewhere by himself. Yikes.)
4. I'm really going to have to improve my eating habits.
If I kept a food journal I'd probably be appalled at what I eat. I don't think I eat a lot of unhealthy food, I just don't have a balanced diet. And that's going to have to change. I have to be an example for Blake to look to when it comes to...well pretty much everything, including food. No more brownies for breakfast. (Ok that doesn't really happen...very often.)
5. My whole life revolves around someone other than myself.
It's true. Being a mom means I come last most of the time. My thoughts are made up of what Blake will eat for meals and snacks, when he will nap, doctor appointments, trips to the playground, and things I should be teaching him. And usually that's ok. I am a mother and have a responsibility to care for my child. I try to take time for myself, but sometimes there isn't any time left.
6. I can do it! I can be a mom!
I've said this before, but when Blake was first born, I had a moment of sheer terror. I was alone with Blake. My mom had left and Evan was in New York. It was going to be about 5 weeks of just me and Blake. And I didn't think I could handle it. I thought I had made a mistake. But things got better. Not necessarily easier, but better. Even now, I don't think being a mom is easy. But I'm doing it. And I think I'm doing a pretty good job. At least I'm doing the best that I can. And while there are days that I think about my pre-baby life and sometimes miss it, I wouldn't trade anything for Blake.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
breast vs. bottle vs. milk bank?
I hadn't really decided one way or the other whether I was going to exclusively breastfeed Blake when he was born. I did know that I wanted to try, and I resolved not to beat myself up about it if I decided not to breastfeed him.
It was an extremely painful 3 months that I breastfed Blake. From the get go I didn't produce enough milk to even begin to adequately nourish him. People kept telling me my milk would come in and then I'd be so engorged that I wouldn't be able to wait until the next feeding just to relieve the pressure. Guess the girls never got the memo.
And even though I think I fought a good fight when it came to breastfeeding, I still feel a twinge of guilt when someone asks me if I breastfeed Blake or when I hear other mothers discussing the ups and downs of breastfeeding. It's even worse when people react with shock when I say I stopped after 3 months.
It wasn't until Blake was about 6 months old that I heard about breast milk banks. Mothers donate their breast milk so we non-producers can make sure our babies get breast milk, even if it isn't from us. The idea of human milk banks is kind of weird to me. And at sometimes $40 for an 8 oz. bottle, it really isn't an option for me (because I'd like to eat, and more than that, I want my child to have clothes). Groups like Eats On Feets help connect women who need breast milk with women who want to donate theirs. Except Eats On Feets doesn't screen their donors. That's the responsibility of the recipient (and that can mean paying for blood tests, etc.)
I've always maintained the philosophy that most mothers are trying to do what's best for their babies. Is breast milk better for babies? Of course it is. But not every mother's cup runneth over when it comes to that aspect of motherhood.
So breastfeed (or don't), formula feed (or don't), or use someone else's breast milk (or don't). You decide. You're the mom!
(And I'll be honest, I have a hard time believing breastfed kids are smarter than us formula babies. At least not by any significant margin. Just look at Eats On Feets. It's foot, not feets...hehe!)
It was an extremely painful 3 months that I breastfed Blake. From the get go I didn't produce enough milk to even begin to adequately nourish him. People kept telling me my milk would come in and then I'd be so engorged that I wouldn't be able to wait until the next feeding just to relieve the pressure. Guess the girls never got the memo.
And even though I think I fought a good fight when it came to breastfeeding, I still feel a twinge of guilt when someone asks me if I breastfeed Blake or when I hear other mothers discussing the ups and downs of breastfeeding. It's even worse when people react with shock when I say I stopped after 3 months.
It wasn't until Blake was about 6 months old that I heard about breast milk banks. Mothers donate their breast milk so we non-producers can make sure our babies get breast milk, even if it isn't from us. The idea of human milk banks is kind of weird to me. And at sometimes $40 for an 8 oz. bottle, it really isn't an option for me (because I'd like to eat, and more than that, I want my child to have clothes). Groups like Eats On Feets help connect women who need breast milk with women who want to donate theirs. Except Eats On Feets doesn't screen their donors. That's the responsibility of the recipient (and that can mean paying for blood tests, etc.)
I've always maintained the philosophy that most mothers are trying to do what's best for their babies. Is breast milk better for babies? Of course it is. But not every mother's cup runneth over when it comes to that aspect of motherhood.
So breastfeed (or don't), formula feed (or don't), or use someone else's breast milk (or don't). You decide. You're the mom!
(And I'll be honest, I have a hard time believing breastfed kids are smarter than us formula babies. At least not by any significant margin. Just look at Eats On Feets. It's foot, not feets...hehe!)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
advice. you know, the kind you didn't ask for...
It's a funny thing, having a child. I'm learning that some people see it as an open invitation to advise you on how to properly raise your child. Now, I'm all for advice when I've asked for it, or when I'm having difficulty with something and people offer suggestions on what worked for them. That kind of advice I'll take. But, I won't take the kind of advice that comes from people who a) don't know what they are talking about and b) who have only spent 0.98482 seconds around my son. Case in point:
While I'm sure the man I was sitting next to last week was only trying to be nice, I did not appreciate him telling me NOT to help my son stand as he struggled to pull himself up. In hushed tones this man TOLD me to let Blake do it on his own. And then when Blake eventually pulled himself up to stand, this man looked at me and said, "See! He can do it. You have to let him do it himself." And this is the point at which I wanted to say some not very nice things to this person. It's very simple, you see. I spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with my child. There are rarely times when I am away from him for more than an hour. I see him stand up on his own, lose his balance, then catch himself before he falls. I know what he is capable of. I know that he can stand on his own. I also know that sometimes he needs a little help.
I guess what upsets me more than someone telling me what to do in regards to my son is that this person thinks because of him, Blake stood up on his own. Newsflash: he's been doing that for about a month now. And it had nothing to do with this man...at all.
Something else I've learned with having a child is that sometimes people make really weird comments. Comments that aren't meant to be offensive and shouldn't be taken as such, but just make me stop and wonder, "Why would you say that?" Case in point:
My almost 10 month old son likes to growl. I don't know why. He just likes to make a low growling sound sometimes when he's playing. It's probably my fault. I like to play with him (heaven forbid) and sometimes I make a roaring sound if I'm chasing him. To me his growls are cute, but I know sometimes people look at him like something is wrong with him. So when a lady who was sitting near me said to someone sitting nearby, "He sounds like something from The Exorcist," I wasn't sure what to think. No, that's not true. I thought, "Why would you say that?! What is wrong with you? Even if you really thought that, couldn't you just keep the comment to yourself?" Maybe I'm just being a little over-protective of my child. I don't know.
But I do know that while I will probably smile and take unsolicited advice kindly, in my mind I'm generally rolling my eyes and trying to figure out ways to avoid this person in the future.
While I'm sure the man I was sitting next to last week was only trying to be nice, I did not appreciate him telling me NOT to help my son stand as he struggled to pull himself up. In hushed tones this man TOLD me to let Blake do it on his own. And then when Blake eventually pulled himself up to stand, this man looked at me and said, "See! He can do it. You have to let him do it himself." And this is the point at which I wanted to say some not very nice things to this person. It's very simple, you see. I spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with my child. There are rarely times when I am away from him for more than an hour. I see him stand up on his own, lose his balance, then catch himself before he falls. I know what he is capable of. I know that he can stand on his own. I also know that sometimes he needs a little help.
I guess what upsets me more than someone telling me what to do in regards to my son is that this person thinks because of him, Blake stood up on his own. Newsflash: he's been doing that for about a month now. And it had nothing to do with this man...at all.
Something else I've learned with having a child is that sometimes people make really weird comments. Comments that aren't meant to be offensive and shouldn't be taken as such, but just make me stop and wonder, "Why would you say that?" Case in point:
My almost 10 month old son likes to growl. I don't know why. He just likes to make a low growling sound sometimes when he's playing. It's probably my fault. I like to play with him (heaven forbid) and sometimes I make a roaring sound if I'm chasing him. To me his growls are cute, but I know sometimes people look at him like something is wrong with him. So when a lady who was sitting near me said to someone sitting nearby, "He sounds like something from The Exorcist," I wasn't sure what to think. No, that's not true. I thought, "Why would you say that?! What is wrong with you? Even if you really thought that, couldn't you just keep the comment to yourself?" Maybe I'm just being a little over-protective of my child. I don't know.
But I do know that while I will probably smile and take unsolicited advice kindly, in my mind I'm generally rolling my eyes and trying to figure out ways to avoid this person in the future.
Friday, September 24, 2010
6 things
Since yesterday our sweet bundle of drool, I mean joy, turned 6 months old, I thought today I would write about 6 things I've learned since becoming a mom.
1. The way you pictured giving birth may, in reality, not happen as you'd hoped.
I was induced because I was a week past my due date. I really thought my body would do what it was supposed to and that I would have a baby the old fashion way: lots of pushing, sweating, grunting, possible screaming (although I always knew I would be getting an epidural. Birthing a baby was not the time for me to show my pioneer spirit.) and then out comes the baby. Well, that didn't happen. I had to have a C-section. I was actually really sad when the doctor said I'd need one. I just feel like it sets me up for more complications with other pregnancies. But, things don't always go as planned.
2. Breastfeeding hurts...A LOT!
Ok, now I know breastfeeding does not hurt for everyone. And if it was a breeze for you, then you are one of the blessed. But, for some women it is incredibly painful. I am one of those women. No, I wasn't doing anything wrong. It just hurt. And every consultant I talked to, every pamphlet I read, every prenatal class I attended told me it should not hurt. So I couldn't help but wonder through the tears as my baby tried to nurse what in the world was I doing wrong? Well it turns out that there's something called latch-on pain. The only way I found out about this was through a lot of research online. I finally found something that told me that as the baby starts to nurse there might be as long as 60 seconds of pain as everything gets into place. After that it shouldn't hurt. That was basically what I was experiencing: 30 seconds of pain, then it wouldn't really hurt after that. But when all you hear is, "It shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you're doing it wrong, " you think that if there's any pain at all then you should take the baby off and start again. Not true.
3. You will get lots of advice and will probably only use about 2% of what you're told.
Every baby is different. Some things work for one baby that might not work for another baby. So, you figure out what works and do it.
4. The first few months are...*ahem*...difficult.
I know motherhood will always be difficult and mothers deal differently with different stages their children go through. While I love Blake and have loved him since he was born, there were times, like when he was waking up every 2 hours to eat, that I thought, "What have I done? My life is over. I can't be a mom." This thought usually popped into my head around 3 am when he was waking up after I tried to quietly slip into bed without disturbing him. My mom kept telling me it would get easier. I didn't really believe her because when you are in the throes of the most exhausting experience of your life you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Mostly because your eyes are always half open due to lack of sleep.) But, it has gotten easier, and more enjoyable. I think I love every stage Blake has gone through. I miss how little he was when he was born but am glad he's on a more regular schedule. So, it does get better.
5. I don't sleep the same way I used to.
I don't think I have had a deep night's sleep since Blake was born. Even though he doesn't sleep right next to my bed like he used to, I can hear him turn over in his crib, drop his pacifier, whimper, and cry out when I'm sleeping. And it usually wakes me up, at which point I say over and over in my head, "Please stay asleep, please stay asleep!" I think with motherhood I've developed an increased ability to hear him. Super hearing. (Not the super power I would have chosen, per se, but oh well.)
6. 99% of mothers are trying to do their best.
I'm sure there's a percentage of mothers (I hope it's less than 1%) that aren't trying their best or who are addicted to some substance and have lost their ability to care for a child. But, for the most part, mothers are really trying to do what is best for their children. Whether they bottle or breastfeed, co-sleep or put their baby in a crib, wear their baby, teach their baby sign language, play classical music for their baby, put their baby in day care, or don't do any of those things, they really are trying their hardest to be a good mom. And as mothers we should support each other. We shouldn't make one another feel bad for not doing something that we are. I may not make the same choices as other mothers, but that's only because I feel like my choices are best for my baby. Your choices may be different. And I'm not going to judge you for that.
This isn't all I've learned as a mother, but I think these are things I wish I had known before I had a baby. It's been a crazy 6 months. And when he starts crawling it's only going to get crazier. I'm a little scared.
1. The way you pictured giving birth may, in reality, not happen as you'd hoped.
I was induced because I was a week past my due date. I really thought my body would do what it was supposed to and that I would have a baby the old fashion way: lots of pushing, sweating, grunting, possible screaming (although I always knew I would be getting an epidural. Birthing a baby was not the time for me to show my pioneer spirit.) and then out comes the baby. Well, that didn't happen. I had to have a C-section. I was actually really sad when the doctor said I'd need one. I just feel like it sets me up for more complications with other pregnancies. But, things don't always go as planned.
2. Breastfeeding hurts...A LOT!
Ok, now I know breastfeeding does not hurt for everyone. And if it was a breeze for you, then you are one of the blessed. But, for some women it is incredibly painful. I am one of those women. No, I wasn't doing anything wrong. It just hurt. And every consultant I talked to, every pamphlet I read, every prenatal class I attended told me it should not hurt. So I couldn't help but wonder through the tears as my baby tried to nurse what in the world was I doing wrong? Well it turns out that there's something called latch-on pain. The only way I found out about this was through a lot of research online. I finally found something that told me that as the baby starts to nurse there might be as long as 60 seconds of pain as everything gets into place. After that it shouldn't hurt. That was basically what I was experiencing: 30 seconds of pain, then it wouldn't really hurt after that. But when all you hear is, "It shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you're doing it wrong, " you think that if there's any pain at all then you should take the baby off and start again. Not true.
3. You will get lots of advice and will probably only use about 2% of what you're told.
Every baby is different. Some things work for one baby that might not work for another baby. So, you figure out what works and do it.
4. The first few months are...*ahem*...difficult.
I know motherhood will always be difficult and mothers deal differently with different stages their children go through. While I love Blake and have loved him since he was born, there were times, like when he was waking up every 2 hours to eat, that I thought, "What have I done? My life is over. I can't be a mom." This thought usually popped into my head around 3 am when he was waking up after I tried to quietly slip into bed without disturbing him. My mom kept telling me it would get easier. I didn't really believe her because when you are in the throes of the most exhausting experience of your life you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Mostly because your eyes are always half open due to lack of sleep.) But, it has gotten easier, and more enjoyable. I think I love every stage Blake has gone through. I miss how little he was when he was born but am glad he's on a more regular schedule. So, it does get better.
5. I don't sleep the same way I used to.
I don't think I have had a deep night's sleep since Blake was born. Even though he doesn't sleep right next to my bed like he used to, I can hear him turn over in his crib, drop his pacifier, whimper, and cry out when I'm sleeping. And it usually wakes me up, at which point I say over and over in my head, "Please stay asleep, please stay asleep!" I think with motherhood I've developed an increased ability to hear him. Super hearing. (Not the super power I would have chosen, per se, but oh well.)
6. 99% of mothers are trying to do their best.
I'm sure there's a percentage of mothers (I hope it's less than 1%) that aren't trying their best or who are addicted to some substance and have lost their ability to care for a child. But, for the most part, mothers are really trying to do what is best for their children. Whether they bottle or breastfeed, co-sleep or put their baby in a crib, wear their baby, teach their baby sign language, play classical music for their baby, put their baby in day care, or don't do any of those things, they really are trying their hardest to be a good mom. And as mothers we should support each other. We shouldn't make one another feel bad for not doing something that we are. I may not make the same choices as other mothers, but that's only because I feel like my choices are best for my baby. Your choices may be different. And I'm not going to judge you for that.
This isn't all I've learned as a mother, but I think these are things I wish I had known before I had a baby. It's been a crazy 6 months. And when he starts crawling it's only going to get crazier. I'm a little scared.
Friday, April 30, 2010
someone beat me to it
I should be showering right now, but I found this and wanted to share it. Even though I have only been a mother for about 5 weeks, I thought that with my new-found knowledge of what motherhood is really like I could write a best-selling book and women everywhere would buy it and thank me for being honest about motherhood and I would be rich. And with the way we are going through diapers and formula these days I have been thinking of ways I can make money from home. Well, someone already beat me to it. (Dang!) Here are the top 5 things that Vicki Glembocki says she wishes she had known before she had a baby. They are in her book The Second Nine Months, which I will be checking to see if the library has. (And if it's not that good maybe I really will write a book.)
The top 5 things I wish someone had told me before the baby came.
P.S. I would only add one thing to her list: Breastfeeding is painful and I don't care who says it isn't. If it didn't hurt for you then consider yourself lucky. I think I would have felt better about breastfeeding and not so frustrated if the lactation consultants I spoke to just admitted that it would be painful and that I would just need to keep working at it. Every time I heard, "It shouldn't be painful" I felt like I was doing something wrong and would try to fix it. Guess what. I wasn't doing anything wrong. It just hurts.
The top 5 things I wish someone had told me before the baby came.
P.S. I would only add one thing to her list: Breastfeeding is painful and I don't care who says it isn't. If it didn't hurt for you then consider yourself lucky. I think I would have felt better about breastfeeding and not so frustrated if the lactation consultants I spoke to just admitted that it would be painful and that I would just need to keep working at it. Every time I heard, "It shouldn't be painful" I felt like I was doing something wrong and would try to fix it. Guess what. I wasn't doing anything wrong. It just hurts.
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