Brothers

I wasn't really afraid that I wouldn't be able to love Trevor as much as I love Blake. I just wasn't sure how I was going to be able to show each child how much I loved them. It's kind of impossible to devote 100% of yourself to 2 things at the same time. There are times when I don't do a very good job of showing Blake how much he is loved. And of course there are times when Trevor and Blake both want to be held and I simply don't have enough arms to do that. 

But I love both of these boys more than anything in this world. I love to hear them laugh together. I love it when Blake runs over to a fussy Trevor and gently calms him by saying, "Shhhh it's okay, Trevor. I'm here." I love when Trevor sneezes and I hear Blake say, "Bless you, Trevor!" 

I hope they know how much they are loved. And I hope more than anything that they can be close all their lives. These 2 little boys make me so very tired. But they make me so very happy.

A Birthday and a Bunny

I kind of fell off the blogging wagon for a while there. I'm finding that what little time I had to blog pre-Trevor is now gone. When one kid is happy, the other is not. Or they're both unhappy. Or they're both happy but momma's so tired she can't keep her eyes open, let alone construct a coherent thought.

But life goes on and must be documented.

Blake turned 3! After about 2 months of planning, Ali and I pulled off a successful Easter egg hunt/birthday celebration for Lola and Blake. Now Blake thinks he has to take his Easter basket to every birthday party he goes to.

After a wonderful birthday party, Blake woke up to a visit from the Easter bunny. Well, he actually woke up to a mom saying, "Hurry! Hurry! We're going to be late for church! Here, hold your brother so I can take a picture of you in your matching outfits. Smile! No, not a goofy face. Say cheese!"

When we got home from church, Blake searched for his Easter basket and was pretty pleased with what the Easter bunny left for him.

And I Love This Boy

Oh, Trevor. He's only been alive for 3 months and I can't remember what it was like before he was in our lives. He is delightful in every sense of the word. One night I found myself rushing to finish cleaning our apartment just so I could play with this little guy before we went to bed. And every once in a while he'll give me a preview of what his full-blown laugh will sound like. He is easy going and puts up with a lot of poking and prodding from his big brother. And when we are all together having a conversation, he interjects his thoughts with some pretty adorable cooing. I had no idea how I was going to love another child as much as I love my first born. Trevor makes it easy.

photos by Michelle Greer

"What about me?"

With his head cocked back and his little hands reaching over my growing bump, Blake asked me that question. From the living room Evan yelled, "We're going to be hearing that a lot more once the baby gets here!"

Time froze. And just like you see in the movies, Blake's question, "What about me?" echoed in my mind several times.

What will happen to Blake once this new baby arrives? How wonderful it would be if we walk in our front door and Blake embraces this baby with open arms and never looks back. But let's be realistic:

Blake has had all of our attention for 2 and a half years. My whole life revolves around Blake. His schedule is my schedule. But that's going to change rather abruptly come Thanksgiving. And how do you explain that to a 2 and a half year old?

I think what I fear most is that Blake will feel less loved as a result of this new baby. That he'll retreat to his room one day wondering, "Why doesn't Mom love me anymore?" Maybe his thought processes aren't that advanced. Still, his "What about me?" question was enough to make me cry as I walked home from the grocery store on Saturday. (Well that, and being an incredibly emotional pregnant woman).

And while it will be a difficult transition for all of us once this yet-to-be named baby boy arrives, I do truly believe Blake will benefit from having a sibling. I love my siblings and can't imagine what life would be like without them. And the home videos my parents have of my siblings and me wouldn't be nearly as hilarious if it was just me in them.

Obviously there's no turning back. This baby is coming. Blake will be a big brother. We will be parents of 2 children very soon. And if the stack of parenting books on my night stand is any indication of my perceived lack of parenting skills, there's a good chance Blake is going to feel lost in the shuffle of all this baby stuff. But hopefully everything will work itself out and Blake and baby #2 will be best buds before we know it.

Or at least they won't kill each other.

giving up

I fight the battle everyday.

Inevitably Blake wanders toward our TV stand, opens the drawer, and begins removing all of our dvds and cds. And usually I try to teach him not to do that and redirect his attention.

Except today.

Today I gave up.

And in all honesty it's not Blake's fault that everyday he tries to take everything out of those drawers. They're pretty enticing to a 17 month old. I should probably get those cabinet locks so he'll just leave them alone. I just find those locks incredibly annoying. Maybe we could devote one of those drawers to some of his toys or something.

I don't know. All I know is that some days I just give up on things like that.

Also, this is one of the goofiest pictures I have of Blake. And I love it.

yoga...toddler style

I can promise you he doesn't get his yoga abilities from me.

dinnertime

Does this really even need an explanation?

When Life Gives You Lemons...

slightly well visit

Blake had his 15 month check up yesterday. Well, actually he only had half of his check up. He was weighed (23 pounds, going on 40 I swear) and measured (32 inches), but luckily for him he didn't have to get any shots. Unluckily for him he has to sit on my lap 3 times a day for the next week while I hold a nebulizer under his mouth and nose in order to help break up the bronchitis that has settled in his lungs.

Fun.

When we arrived at the doctor's office I told the receptionist that Blake had a bit of a cold and asked her if we should wait in the sick waiting room even though we were there for a well visit. We proceeded to wait in the sick room while Blake played with Snotty McSnotterson. I won't be surprised if he catches whatever that kid had. I was trying to do the rest of the patients a favor by not letting Blake in the well waiting room. So if Blake caught whatever booger boy had, I'm gonna be annoyed.

I digress. I wasn't worried at all about Blake's cough. He'd had it for a few days and I've had a bit of a sore throat and stuffy nose. Regular cold stuff. And anytime I've been 100% positive Blake was sick and needed medication, I have been 100% wrong and $30 poorer. So I decided I wasn't going to call a 24-hour nurse hotline or his doctor and explain the symptoms. I was just going to ride the cough out and not be the hypochondriac I've been in the past.

And of course the one time I don't freak out, he has bronchitis. I wasn't even concerned when the nurse that weighed and measured Blake started frowning when I said he had a cold. I said, "Oh he just has a wet cough and can't seem to clear anything out." In my mind I was thinking, "It's just a cough, lady." Then Blake's doctor came in and listened to him breathe. I was surprised when she said she wanted to do a nebulizer treatment on Blake and that he wouldn't be getting any shots until he was better.

So what did we learn from this visit, kids? Freak out or don't freak out. It doesn't really matter. Oh, and we now know that our insurance covers a nebulizer machine. That we get to keep. So that's cool. I guess.

It was going so well...

until I made the final cut.

It's taken a while for Blake to grow the hair he has now. And after 14 months of growing it, he has a few wildly long strands that hang over his ears and a weird rat tail/mullet thing going on in the back. Because he really doesn't have enough hair to warrant a hair cut from someone who would charge me money for a few snips, I took matters into my own hands.

I figured there was no better time to cut his hair than when he was standing by our window, distracted by passing cars. The sunlight illuminated the long hairs that needed to be trimmed. I took my scissors and tried to trim them without impaling my son. He of course whipped his head around anytime I got close to his head making the experience quite terrifying (for me). I made the first few cuts and it actually looked good. I don't know anything about cutting hair, so I was impressed with myself when the right side of his head looked normal, just a tad bit shorter.

 Not too shabby!

Then I tried the left side. Blake wasn't having any of that, so I went to the back of his head. I figured that part would be easiest because it's a little tuft of hair that I could lop off without worrying that it would look bad.

With a new found confidence in hair cutting, I attempted the left side again. I took advantage of Blake being still while the recycling truck passed and made a clean cut. A little too clean.

 oops...

I knew as soon as I had cut it that I had done it all wrong...and way too short. I hope it doesn't take another 14 months for his hair to look normal. As long as I hold him with his left side facing me, no one should be able to tell, right?

1 year

1 year ago today, Blake looked like this:

Evan looked like this:

And I looked like this:

1 year ago today, Blake and I started our adventure in Brooklyn. I was naive. I knew life would be different, but the New York I was picturing was not the New York I would come to know. A few days ago I was standing in my kitchen washing dishes and I thought to myself, "I've finally decided that I hate it here."

Over the past year I've tried really hard to love Brooklyn and NYC as a whole. And while I haven't seen all of NYC, I can definitely say I do not love this place. And some days I really do hate it. And other days I don't hate it as much. And still other days I don't mind it and think it's not so bad. So how do I feel about New York? Well, I've decided it's an awesome place to visit, but not such an awesome place to live. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my life. As difficult as it is to admit, I do believe that one's circumstances don't determine the level of one's happiness. (Sometimes I have to repeat that to myself several times a day...)

Some days I feel like I'm still "new" here. I don't feel like I have mastered city life. But I don't know if I'll ever feel that way (and I don't really want to be here long enough to.) And even though if I could choose to live anywhere it wouldn't be here, I do feel that Brooklyn has taught me a few things:

1) I can do hard things (such as lugging a 25+ lb baby in a 9lb stroller up and down subway stairs...or running to catch the train with that same baby in the same stroller.)

2) Target is not the same everywhere.

3) I should probably learn Spanish...or Chinese...or Russian...

4) It's ok to display good manners when they seem to be in short supply.

5) I'm glad I don't have a Brooklyn accent but chuckle when I hear people speak who do. (And then laugh at myself when I try to imitate them.)

6) The church is the same anywhere you go (well, kind of.)

7) The pizza here is pretty good. ;)

Who knew a year ago that Blake would look like this:

Evan would look like this:

And I would look like this:

Oops! I mean this:

Ahh, much better.

Here's to another year in Brooklyn!