Thursday, August 7, 2008
Recently I was at a grocery store that has a few self-checkout lanes. I had to run out at 11:30 at night to get a birthday card. Apparently this grocery store was the place to be at 11:30 on a Saturday night. Only seven self-checkout lanes were open...zero regular employee-run lanes. I waited in the shortest line (which consisted of about 20 people) and watched the other customers struggle to pay for their groceries. I understand that with no employee-run lanes open no one really had a choice.
I decided after this trip that self-checkout lanes were never meant for more than 5 items, no produce, and nothing that is on sale or that could possibly not be scanned properly. I really try to use the self-checkout lanes when I have 2 or 3 items and never when I have produce. I've tried the produce thing. I ended up charging myself more for cucumbers because I didn't select the right type of cucumber on the list.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
So yesterday during my visit to the gym there was a gentleman who decided that he wanted to get some cardio in on the treadmill. He had a choice of three working treadmills and one not-so-working treadmill. Of course he chose the one that was not working. In his defense there was no sign on the machine saying it was broken. So how did I know that it wasn't working? I think the most obvious part of it's non-functionality was that the treadmill was basically sticking straight up in the air. Whoever used it last had set the incline very high. Apparently the treadmill stopped working while it was still set on an incline. When the guy stepped on the treadmill the belt started to turn because the emergency magnet was missing (another sign that the treadmill is broken). So the guy stood on the sides of the treadmill and worked his way to the top only to find he couldn't actually get the treadmill to run. So what does any sane person do at this point? Step on the belt and ride your way off the treadmill! Luckily this guy chose a different treadmill and was able to figure out how to use that one.
I'm sure there will come a point in time when I am standing on a treadmill trying to figure out how to make it work. It seems inevitable.
Here is handy checklist to use when determining if a treadmill is broken:
If you answer yes to any of these questions, the treadmill is broken so move on to the next one:
1) Is the emergency magnet/card missing?
2) Is the treadmill still on an incline even though no one is using it?
3) Is there a sign on the treadmill that says it's broken?
4) Are chunks of the belt missing?
5) Is the treadmill on fire?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Me as a man. (This one made me laugh out loud!)
A Botticelli painting of me.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Speaking of treadmills, recently I had a rather hilarious adventure at the gym. I took my position atop one of the ellipticals and started my workout. I selected the weight loss button because I trust the manufacturers of this machine to know how to make me lose weight. I began my workout and was well on my way to burning a few hundred calories when I noticed 2 guys walking into the gym. They didn't really look like gym buffs and because of the events that soon transpired I think it was one of the guys' first time.
One guy, we'll call him Jimathin, decided to use an elliptical. I don't see many guys using the elliptical. I think it's been stereotyped as more of a machine for the ladies although I'm not sure why (maybe it's the idiotic arm movement that is associated with working out on this machine and the thought that "real men run".) Anyway so while Jimathin is working out, his friend Billy decides he will try out the treadmill. Billy gets on the treadmill and is looking over the equipment trying to figure out how to make it work. Instead of simply pushing the "on" button he decides the best thing to do is remove the emergency magnet thus rendering the treadmill useless. Once the magnet is removed the treadmill will turn on but the belt won't turn. Billy tries everything (except putting the magnet back) to make the treadmill work. He even goes so far as to place is hands on the bar that sits in front of the display and force the treadmill belt to move by pushing with his feet. He actually got going at a pretty good speed but could only keep it up for a minute or two.
I kept waiting for someone to go over and show him how to use it. After about ten minutes (seriously) of powering the treadmill with his own force Billy decided he'd had enough and moved to a different part of the gym. I was still on the elliptical when I saw Billy return. This time he decided to use a different treadmill. I'm sure he was thinking, "Maybe this one will work. They should really fix that broken one." When I saw him get on the treadmill I literally thought, "Oh good he'll figure it out this time." Sadly he did not. As soon as he could he removed the magnet. When I saw him do this I actually got angry! Although it was none of my business how this man worked out, I wanted him to figure out how to work the treadmill because it was so simple! So he does his little push the belt with his feet thing and then gets off. I decided that I would help him by getting on a treadmill and showing him how it's done. By the time I got on the treadmill Billy had moved to the stationary bike ( a pretty self-explanatory machine...and no magnets). I got on the treadmill anyway hoping he would see that they do in fact work when the emergency magnet is in place. I'm not sure if he saw me. And I guess it doesn't really matter.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Although I wish this had been the most hilarious thing that happened to me yesterday, it was not. Anyone that knows me understands that I am slightly paranoid about certain things. I have to make sure the door is locked at least 2 times before going to bed. I check, recheck, and touch the burners on the stove to make sure they are off. I text my husband every other morning after I leave and ask him to make sure I turned off my straightener. I know I turned it off...but that little voice inside keeps saying, "What if you didn't? What if you come home and the whole apartment complex is a pile of ashes because of your careless ways?" Thus the text.
The list above of the things I am slightly obsessive about does not end there. I often wonder before using the bathroom what I would do if there happened to be a spider hiding under the toilet seat. Sometimes I lift the toilet seat to check, but most of the time I have to go so bad I don't care. So "fear of spider under toilet seat" isn't high on the paranoia list, although it is there. Well, lucky for me, Paranoid Polly, fear confirmed. Last night I was doing my "biznass" in the bathroom and went to flush the toilet. What to my wondering eyes did appear? Something that looked like a spider, I feared! Carefully hanging under the toilet seat, but just far enough out that I could see it was what I thought was a granddaddy long leg. Surprisingly I didn't scream. I grabbed some toilet paper and disposed of the creature. It actually turned out to be a mosquito hawk which isn't really any better simply because it was an insect that was close to a part of my body that no insect should ever come within 100 feet of. So yes, insects can and do hide under toilet seats. Just let the paranoia set in. You'll get used to it.
This is what was camping out under the toilet seat. Ok it wasn't this big, but still gross. Through writing this post I've actually learned a lot about mosquito hawks:
1) They aren't called mosquito hawks.
2)Their proper name is crane fly.
3) They do not eat mosquitoes.
4) The adults either don't eat or feed on roots.
5) I still don't want them near my butt.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
I like the summer season. It's beautiful outside. I can lay in the sun or play in the grass. Unfortunately I spend most of my days in an office...posting blogs. But I have learned that this is the life of the average adult. (Why did I want to grow up so quickly when I was younger?) So I usually enjoy my lunch break when I get to go outside and be in the sun for a little while. As I was coming back from lunch yesterday I decided to bring a few wedding gifts to wrap at work. I wasn't going to be doing much else, so two birds, one stone. I carried the gifts in a bag and the bag started to rip which forced me to carry the bag in my arms instead of holding it by the handles. On top of this I was carrying the wrapping paper and my purse. As I approached the building in which I work I started to think of the most efficient way for me to open the door and enter said building. Since my hands were occupied I figured I would have to set the gifts on the ground, open the door, grab the gifts, hold the door with my butt, and scoot into the building. I know you've all seen it done before.
But, as I got closer to the door I saw a guy in the building that was about to make his exit thus opening a door for me to walk through. We make eye contact and I think, "Oh yes! He sees me and notes my struggle in carrying these gifts. He'll hold the door for me." So I approached the door with every intention of pausing for the man, then having him hold the door for me and walking in with no problems. Unfortunately this man must have forgotten his manners that day. As I said, he made eye contact with me and yet he simply breezed through the door without so much as swinging the door wide open so that I could scurry through quickly. It was almost as if he squeezed through the door with just enough space to let himself through causing the door to close quickly behind him leaving me no chance of entry. I kind of stopped abruptly and wanted to say, "Hey thanks! You obviously saw me with my hands completely full. I'm walking like I am 9 months pregnant and yet you can't even take .25481 seconds to hold the door for me!" But of course I didn't. I just loudly struggled to open the door trying to make sure he heard me grunting. I wanted him to feel bad! So I balanced the gifts in one hand and opened the door just enough to stick my leg in so the door was propped open. Then I kicked it open and shuffled through trying not to let the door catch my heel. I made it in the building but with no help from no manners man.
When I told my husband about what happened he tried to convince me that the man was probably blind and did not see me. I quickly informed my husband that the man was not using a white cane so he probably wasn't blind. My husband then quipped, "Maybe he was using echolocation." I told him that's the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/07/19/earlyshow/main1817689.shtml
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I decided once and for all that I would find out if the treadmill was better than the elliptical motion machine. Check out this article for the down-low on treadmills and ellipticals. http://ezinearticles.com/?Treadmills-vs-Elliptical-Trainers---Which-Gives-a-Better-Workout!&id=116198 (Personally I think the author is pro-elliptical making the article slightly biased. My research continues.)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
One game we particularly enjoy is Wheel...of...Fortune!!!!!! In this screen shot you can see Evan's player doing the "cabbage patch" because he just scored big! For those of you who do not know what the "cabbage patch" is, this definition may help: The cabbage patch dance is a dance involving putting the hands together and moving them in a horizontal circular motion. It was popularized by Dr. Dre and DJ Yella in 1987. The dance they made was featured in the song "The Cabbage Patch." It soon became very popular, showing up in almost every dance club in America. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage_patch_dance) Evan has always been a fan of Dre.The screen shot above shows my player winning the round (yes!) and "raising the roof". Although this move sounds self-explanatory, I will include a definition for those of you who wish to imitate this celebratory motion: a dancing motion where by the participant pushes both hands up in the air, as if performing a soulful military press with the hands open and facing up towards the ceiling. usually done in groups. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/)
I hope you've enjoyed this small glimpse into my professional life.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Alas, I have confirmed that I do not like flying at all. I don't like waiting in the airport. I don't like rushing to line up when the plane is ready to board. I don't like sitting in a seat that is really designed for one butt cheek, not two. I don't like sitting by people I don't know. I don't like breathing airplane air. You would think that being so high up in the sky you would get some fresh air. No. You don't. I don't like the take off. It always feels like the butt of the plane is going to scrape the ground. I'm constantly thinking, "Get it up, get it up!" I certainly don't like having to yell my drink order at the flight attendant. Personally I try not to drink anything before and during a flight because there's no way I'm crawling over two people to use the tiniest bathroom known to man. But as of late I've felt nauseous while flying and need a little carbonation to settle the ol' tum tum. I don't like not being able to move at all. The whole seat reclining thing is a joke. You go from here, to here. (If you could see my hand it would be pointing straight up, then only slightly to the right but still basically up.) And don't get me started about the time my head was crushed when I tried to fall asleep on the tray table and the lady in front of me reclined her seat. I should have punched the back of her seat as hard as I could and said, "Oh by all means, take up the whole dang plane!" But probably the thing I hate most about flying is turbulence. If I were a pilot I would avoid turbulence at all cost. I would fly around turbulence. Actually if I were a pilot I would probably just keep the plane on the ground and drive to the destination. Do you know how big a plane is? Seriously. Who would stop us? I'm sure that pilots try to avoid turbulence as much as possible. But it seems like the last two flights I've been on have been turbulence bound. The last flight I was on got pretty bumpy towards the end. The flight was only an hour and a half long, but I felt like I was two minutes from death. The flight was ok because I got to watch TV (whoever decided to do the personal TV thing on JetBlue was a genius) so I wasn't really focusing on the big metal bird of death that I voluntarily boarded an hour ago. But of course the turbulence started. It wasn't just a few bumps. It was continuous bumping and dipping like you are driving on some back country dirt road that has potholes. At one point during the flight of death I could feel the wind pushing the plane. At this point I knew I was done. I just doubled over and put my head on Evan's lap. Of course he's cool as a freakin' cucumber. I bet if the plane was really spiralling out of control he'd still be saying, "It's ok. You're fine." while everyone else, including me, is screaming and trying to grab the oxygen masks from the ceiling. (by the way, are those oxygen masks real or are they just there to make you feel like you can still breathe?) Of course the lady next to me is looking at me like I'm crazy. I think she was a little nervous too. She actually took my seatbelt so when I sat down it was awkward having to act like I didn't notice that she had incorrectly buckled her seatbelt using my strap and try to dig under her for another flimsy strap of fabric that we all know isn't doing anything if that plane goes down. When I started to struggle to get the belt she said, "Oh, sorry. I don't know why it's like that." I wanted to say, "It's like that because you are sitting on your belt and grabbed mine by mistake. That's why it's like that. But we're all gonna die anyway. You might as well be strapped in for it." Anyway so we eventually land. I looked at Evan and told him I was never flying again. I don't care how far I have to drive, I'm not flying. But we all know that's not true.
Check out this website for turbulence info. I feel a little better about flying after reading some of the questions and answers. I still hate turbulence. http://www.geocities.com/khlim777_my/asturbulence.htm#More
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wow, long side note. So as I walked into work this morning, I saw a lady riding her bike and smiling. She wasn't smiling at any particular person...just smiling. I've seen these people before and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about: the people who just smile for no reason. I used to be slightly annoyed with these people. Whenever I would see their stupid no-reason smiles I would think, "What the heck are you smilin' at!? Am I missing something? Is there a giant ice cream cone in the sky that you happen to be looking at right now and I just can't see it?" I think I was mostly annoyed because it seemed so fake. And I will say that I have met some fake smiley people and maybe this is where the annoyance came from. Or maybe it's just that I'm not a naturally smiley person. I look really mad when I'm just walking places, or shopping for groceries, or driving. I usually have something on my mind like, "I think my thighs have always rubbed together. There has never been a time when they haven't touched." Ok, I'm not that shallow, but I have things on my mind. So as the smiley lady passed me on her bike I wondered what it would feel like to just smile for no reason. I'm going to try it on my way home today. I'm just gonna smile the whole way home and see if anyone looks at me like I'm deranged. Or maybe I should try to count the number of people who smile when they see me smile. I'll be wearing sunglasses so they won't be able to tell if I'm looking at them or not. That'll fake 'em out nicely because I'll be starin' 'em down and they won't even know it. All the while with a smile on my face.
Here's a link that gives the steps to developing your smile...seriously: http://www.wikihow.com/Smile
Thursday, May 29, 2008
I usually only blog when something funny has happened to me. Nothing all that funny has happened to me as of late hence the lack of posts. If I did blog everyday this is what it would look like: "I'm at work again...just sitting...feeling the spare tire around my waste expand. Oh, a bird just smacked into the window. It'll probably die. Stupid birds." That's pretty much how most of my days go. Anyway, so that's why I can only write when something hilarious/embarrassing happens to me because otherwise my blog would be a boring blog and that is not acceptable.
So the other night Evan was doing laundry. He noticed that we had fabric softener, which I inherited from my sister when she was cleaning out her apartment, and decided to use it. I had noticed on prior occasions of doing laundry that there was a downy ball (used for dispensing fabric softener) that had fallen beside the wall and the washer. I had thought about trying to retrieve the ball, but was hindered by the spare tire that is currently growing around my waste (refer to beginning of blog for spare tire reference). Ok, the spare tire hindering me isn't entirely true. When I attempted to retrieve the ball I discovered that it was lodged between the wall and the washer. I was not expecting this and thus gave up quickly. So when I saw Evan using the fabric softener I told him about the downy ball. He got a random strip of metal and tried to dislodge the ball. He was unsuccessful. Evan suggested using a hanger, so I grabbed one and started trying to loop the hook of the hanger around the loop of the downy ball. This didn't work. I finally was able to bend down and grasp the hook of the hanger and another part of the hanger and pull the downy ball up. I was ecstatic, mostly because I think Evan had given up hope of scoring a free downy ball. I, on the other hand, remained valiant in my efforts. (I really was excited!)
This probably isn't the funniest post I've ever written. I work 8 hours a day and don't really have an exciting life. What do you expect?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
On a lighter note, my husband stole my pillow last night...and I was sleeping on it! Usually after I get up he'll take it and use it along with his pillow. But last night Evan rolled over and pulled my pillow out from under my head. Of course this woke me up and I had to take it back. Of course he doesn't remember this and I swear it wasn't a dream. I'm 98% sure that it wasn't a dream. It was pretty hilarious.
Monday, April 21, 2008
On a side note, I got my hair cut today. It cost more than two bits, though. Unless one bit is the equivalent of nine U.S. dollars, then it was two bits. I absolutely love it! I went to the barbershop on campus and got it cut there. You are probably thinking, "The BYU barbershop?!" Yes, that barbershop. I go to a girl named Laura. She's great and so if any of you ladies are thinking about getting a haircut I recommend her. Here's the link: http://barbershop.byu.edu/ And I just found out they do full head weaves!
Monday, April 7, 2008
So today is April 7th and to pretty much everyone's surprise big pancake sized snowflakes decided to fall from the sky. Luckily I didn't have to be out in it, but from the nice warm building I was sitting in it looked nasty outside. I don't think I've ever seen snowflakes this big in my whole life! It really was like white, fluffy, cold, icy pancakes floating around and eventually sticking to a tree or something. Too bad they weren't pancakes because I am starving right about now.
Speaking of starving, I'm pretty sure I'm letting myself go. I didn't want to be one of those girls who gets married and then blows up like a blimp (no offense to girls that do that. more power to you.). Every morning as I'm doing my hair I just stare into the mirror and wonder how much larger my waistline will get before I do something about it. Not that my waistline is really that large, but believe you me it's on its way. Part of me hates running in the cold and since this winter is going to last until next April I'm pretty sure I won't be running outside anytime soon. I could always go work out at the gyms on campus, but they are crowded and frankly they stink. Not literally because all gyms probably smell. I guess I should just stop complaining and get my butt in gear. That's what my mom would tell me to do. But before I get into gear I think I'll go grab some M&M's. I'm gonna need some energy.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Hmmm, what else can I complain about...
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
See how beautiful they are!?
I have managed to avoid falling so far this winter season. Now that I have said that I will probably fall in the middle of a crosswalk on my way home today...and get run over by a car. Anyway, I was driving today and saw a girl totally eat it right in front of me. The girl was trying to cross in front of my car as I was coming out of a parking lot. I decided to scare her a little and pretended like I was sliding and couldn't stop. Ok that's a lie. Actually I was stopped and waiting for her to cross and she totally slipped and fell. This wasn't a face-plant. This was one of those falls like when you are ice skating and start to wobble and think leaning back will help. And then the arm flailing began. I could tell by how unstable she was that no amount of arm flailage was going to save her at this point. So she fell on her butt and then struggled to get up. To save her from further embarrassment I pretended like I was looking for some change in my car and that I didn't see her flailing and falling on the lovely, yet deceptive, glitter. So she went on her way, but looked a little angry. I wonder if she expected me to laugh along with her? I usually don't want anyone to say anything to me when I do something stupid so I thought I'd just pretend like I didn't see it. I guess I could have just pointed and laughed at her and snapped a few pictures of the hilarious event. But that would have been rude of me.
So I've been thinking a lot about the art of dating. I don't really understand it. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with it anymore. I don't understand how some people always get asked out and other people don't. I mean, I have seen some real weirdos out there who are dating up a storm! Maybe they are just able to find other weirdos. I once heard a funny, yet suprisingly true, statement: 95% of the population is trying to date 2% of the population. I think that's kinda sad. I know not all guys are looking for the tall blonde with a perfect body and not all girls are looking for that tall, dark, handsome guy. Sometimes I think people think they are attracted to a certain type of person and really limit themselves to who they are willing to date. Before I met my husband people would ask me what my type of guy was. I never really had an answer. All I knew is that I liked to be around people who laugh with/at me and who can make me laugh. I never really had a "type" of guy. (Although I married the best "type" of all...the wonderfully amazing type!) I know what it feels like to wish that people would be able to see that I was really funny and a great person even though I don't have perfect hair or weigh 80 pounds. That's a sad feeling. I think it would be great if people would be willing to get to know people before determining their datability. I don't know...just a thought.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Work is going by a lot slower today than it did yesterday. I guess I don't have a paper to keep me busy. But, I do have a ton of other things to do. It's so hard on Fridays to think about doing homework. I trick myself into believing that I deserve a break when in reality my break came last night when I got to watch the season premiere of LOST with my husband. But then I think about how I have the whole weekend to do all the things I need to do and convince myself that typing another post or trying to see which celebrity I look the most like is a good use of my time.
Now I have to look for movies this lady is in.
I used to watch Shirley Temple movies all the time! "No spinach! Take away that awful greenery!"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Update: I have 2 hours left at work and only one section of my paper left. Oh yeah!
Update updated: I finished my paper and I had 30 minutes to spare! Yes, I took the occasional break to look at celeb gossip. And yes I got distracted when I started thinking about the season premiere of LOST that comes on tonight. But alas, I have finished the paper. Well except for editing it. I never said I was going to edit it at work. I just said I'd write it.