confession

Teacher stuff makes me giddy.

I know, it sounds stupid. And I know I'm not teaching right now. In fact, after my first year of teaching, I wasn't convinced I'd be going back to teach after my children were grown. I thought, "Well, maybe I'll do speech pathology or specialize in something where I can work with a handful of children at a time instead of 31 little monsters who apparently don't know how to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS." (Just kidding about the monsters part...kind of...sometimes.)

But there I was in Target. The dollar spot. I always take a quick peek just to see if they have anything good. And this time they did. Teacher stuff.

As I perused the teacher stuff I was coming up with all sorts of ways I could use it. "Oh, when I set up my classroom expectations and good habits, I could use these signs. I'd hold up the 'look and listen' one after I give my attention signal. And then when recess is over I could hold up the 'line up here' sign. Ohhhh and after a project I would hold up the 'time to clean-up' sign! It will be magical!"

And then I found some cool bookmarks that say, "Read with a friend." I'm sure they are meant to be given away, but as I turned them over in  my hand a few times I kept thinking, "I wouldn't give these away. I'd use these as a reward. I'd hand them out to students who were reading quietly and they could pick someone to sit beside while they read. Then I'd collect them at the end of reading time and use them all year. Again, more magic!"

I even showed my husband what I bought when I got home. I immediately launched into an explanation of why I was buying teacher supplies when I in fact am not a teacher. "I couldn't help it. I just love this stuff."

And after buying those few items, I'm almost convinced I will teach again.

Regrets

I’ve been thinking lately about things I would change if I could go back in time. 2 things have come to mind. They aren’t big things. In fact, they are kind of silly. I should probably feel good about having such silly things to regret. But I inherited the worry gene from my mother, so it’s in my blood.

1)  I would have taken my baby on the last day of school so my students could meet him. I was just so stressed out and ready to be done with everything holding me back from being here. I should have taken Blake with me so my students could see how cute he was. I feel bad about that. Funny thing is, those 4^th graders probably won’t think about it at all…ever.

2)  I had a student in my class who didn’t really have any friends. And I knew why. He was just different. He was interested in things that weren’t considered cool, he wasn’t very athletic, but he wanted desperately to be a part of a group. He would play tag with a group of kids at recess. Unfortunately those kids had all gotten together and decided that if anyone got tagged, they would just go tag this kid. So he was always it. He would complain to me after recess and I suggested he find some new kids to play with. I didn’t know how to help him. I liked this student. I could see how he would wear on other people, but I saw his struggles and I prayed (literally) that he would one day find a person who could be his friend. We had class discussions throughout the year on including everyone and being kind to people in our class. Sometimes it helped. Sometimes it didn’t.

Aside from being smart, this student was amazing at not getting his work done and had the messiest desk I have ever seen. He could literally sit and daydream for an entire lesson. I would ask him a million times to get to work. I would kneel down by his desk and help him with each problem. He knew how to do the work. He would just get distracted. 

One day when he was out of his seat and wasting time I asked him what he was doing. He froze, gave me the, “Oh no, I’m caught” look. Jokingly I asked if it was his evil twin who wasn’t doing what he was supposed to. I gave his evil twin a name and it rhymed with his name. (This was a joke I had with my brother when we were growing up. He’d blame everything on his evil twin, whose name rhymed with his.)

Unfortunately the joke got away from me. Other kids started calling the student by this name. I felt terrible. Only 5 minutes after I had made the joke, I publicly apologized to my student and told the rest of my class that they weren’t to call him that name and if they did there would be consequences. I explained to them that I was only joking, but a joke is never funny if someone’s feelings get hurt. I asked this student to stay after school that day. I apologized again and asked if I had hurt his feelings. He said, “Umm, a little I guess.” I apologized for a third time and told him if anyone called him that name that he was to tell me. 

My fear is that someone will remember that joke and will start calling him that. It’s not like it’s a bad word, the name isn’t even a real name. I just don’t want him to be made fun of all because of something I said. I don’t want him to remember his 4^th grade teacher as a jerk. 

(Ok, I felt so bad that when I found a star trek toy in my fruit loops, I took it to school and gave it to him. He looked at me like I was a weirdo and I had to remind him that he was Spock for Halloween. Then he told me his mom thought of the costume and that he didn’t really like Star Trek. But then he took the toy anyway. Maybe he’ll remember that instead.)

funny things kids say

Remember that post about how I couldn't remember any of the good times when I was teaching? Well thanks to Facebook I remembered some of those good memories and the hilarious things kids say. Enjoy!

During morning meeting when we share what we did over the weekend:

Student A: My hamster died this weekend. My mom said he had a blood clock.

 Me: Oh, haha. Ok, well it's blood clot, with a t. And I'm sorry your hamster died.

Student B: My aunt has a science infection.

Me: I hate those! And it's sinus, not science. Tell her we hope she feels better!

Student C: My aunt died of cancer!

Me: Ummm, I'm sorry.

Student C: She died a few years ago so it's ok.

During social studies:

Me: Does anyone know what the word "Deseret" means?

Student: Bookstore?

Me: Hahahahah no, but good guess!

During a Christmas discussion with the class sitting on the floor in front of me:

Me: Ok, take one big scoot backwards. You are making me claustrophobic.

Student A: What does claustrophobic mean?

Student B: It means you're afraid of Santa Claus.

During a book group meeting with second graders:

Student: We have a lots of Mexicans in our class and they like to talk and get in trouble.

Me: Oh.

Student: But I'm not Mexican. I'm Mormon.

Me: Oh did you know that you can be Mexican and Mormon?

Student: Really? Oh ya. We do have a temple in Mexico.

memories

Have you ever had a bad memory pop into your head and you feel like you're experiencing it all over again, with all the associated emotions? I hate that. It happened to me this morning as I was lying in bed.

I was waiting for Blake to wake up and started thinking about my teaching days and how the end of the school year played out for me. I was returning for the last two (long) weeks of school after having Blake. Evan had already moved to New York and I was still dealing with all the emotions of a new mother, which included recovery from a c-section and a failed attempt at breastfeeding. To put it lightly, the last place I wanted to be was with a group of 4th almost 5th graders who were trying to get used to their old teacher. I really loved my students, but I had a little baby at home who needed me and a husband across the country who hadn't held his son since he was a week old.

My students were excited to see me, but after the third, "When our substitute was here she let us (fill in the blank)" I was ready to head for the door. I politely told my students that I knew all about what they were allowed to do and that informing me of said activities was only going to make me cranky (or something like that). I was surprised at the new attitudes that had formed when I was gone. I couldn't tell if some of the students (mainly girls) were angry at me for being out longer than I had planned, or if it was just a result of growing up.

By the second to last day of school I had been totally offended by one student and jumped all over by a fellow teacher for not awarding her student a medal for winning a relay race. (Not even kidding.) The last day of school was bittersweet. I was so excited to have survived my first year of teaching AND pregnancy (which I do not recommend doing simultaneously), excited to be reunited with Evan, but sad to say goodbye to my students (well except the one that was so rude to me).

So that's why this morning I was so annoyed that I could only remember the end of the school year and the bad memories that were associated with it. I thought my first year of teaching went as well as it could have and I wanted to be remembering the fun times with my class, not the icky moments that made me question my career choice. And as much as I tried to remember the good times, my mind just kept going back to that one student and her thoughtless comment, and that one teacher who seriously needed to take it down a notch or two.

Now I'm wishing I had actually kept a teacher journal during my first year so I could look back on the good times. Because I know there were some really good times! (And if I remember them I'm going to compile them and blog about it.)