Ruffles? What was I thinking?

I'm done. My search for a swimsuit that fits well and provides the coverage I need is over. At least for this season.

I scoured the Internet looking for an acceptable swimsuit. I thought I had found one. And I was pretty confident because the description of the swimsuit said it was suited for the well-endowed.

But only if you wanted to look bigger than you already are.

I thought the ruffles might accentuate the part of my body I don't really need accentuated. But it was 10 o'clock at night and I thought I had found the solution to my problem.

I was excited when I got the package in the mail. I was even feeling pretty good when I tried it on.

But when I skyped with my sister and modeled it for her (I know what you're thinking. Wasn't it awkward to video chat in a swimsuit? Yes, yes it was.) we both concluded that while the swimsuit was cute, for $74 it needed to be almost perfect for me to keep. Oh, and the circulation to my legs was being cut off after about 10 minutes of wearing it. It will be returned.

I found another swimsuit that is comfortable and provides a little more coverage than the halter top tankini I currently wear to most water-related activities. And it was significantly less expensive than the $74 we-think-ruffles-will-downplay-your-large-chest swimsuit.

But it still doesn't provide the type of coverage I would really like. I'm looking for next to no "cleave" here, people. Chasing a toddler when you don't feel covered up or like you could fall out of your swimsuit is not my idea of summer fun. But, I just don't care anymore. When I find a suit that covers, it doesn't fit somewhere else. When I find a suit that fits somewhere else, it doesn't cover the girls.

So I'm done.

Not surprised

I am not surprised by this video for several reasons:

1) IT'S A GREAT WHITE SHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!

Ok, that's the only reason I'm not surprised this shark burst through the cage. 

Here are some facts about great white sharks in case you don't know much about them:

So children, what did we learn from this little blog post? Any animal whose size is comparable to a school bus is capable of pretty much whatever it wants to be capable of. Also, don't swim with sharks.

I...have a problem

No, it's not that I eat too many cookies. Well, that is a problem, but I'm talking about another problem.

A few months after I read a book, I can't really remember the details of the story. I can give an extremely brief summary of what happens, but details are lacking.

This bothers me because I feel like I can't talk about books I've read with people. I just end up saying, "I can't really remember the details, but I really liked it." Lame.

Is this normal? I think I'm just not devoting a lot of mental energy to reading these books. And that's probably ok because I have other more important things to devote that energy to (for now).

40

That's how many marathons a person would have to run in order to burn 30 pounds of fat.

Or at least that's what someone told me yesterday. I'm not really sure why she told me that. Maybe she thinks I have about 30 pounds of fat to burn. And she's probably not that far off. I think she was trying to prove how it's more effective to alter one's diet than to start a rigorous work out plan. But then she started talking about how important working out is. I was confused. And she probably weighed about 2.3 pounds so I stopped acting like I was interested in her conversation and tended to my little one.

But with a number like that, 40 marathons, it doesn't make me want to start training for one. It makes me want to go eat a cookie or something. 40 marathons?! I'll count my life accomplished if I ever have the desire to start thinking about running 1 marathon.

This lady was a health coach. I'm not sure what that means.

Apparently it means I need to run 40 marathons.

not that kind of blog

You know those blogs, the ones with the cute moms who are really stylish and crafty and make their own bread and stuff?

Ya this isn't one of those blogs. I'm not stylish. In fact, I hate shopping. I get tired easily and these days things just don't fit me like I want them to. I think I could be really stylish, but I'm not willing to put the energy into it. That's sad. Anyway, I can be crafty when needed. I've made bread before. It turned out ok.

But this isn't one of those blogs. Maybe one day I'll find something I'm awesome at doing and can write about it on my blog. Then I'll have thousands of people following my blog, asking me to teach them to be as awesome as I am.

Until then, I'll just leave you with photo evidence of why this isn't one of those blogs.

whiter than white

 Look at those legs. Mine, not Blake's.

Can you tell they haven't seen the sun in...a while?

White? No, not white.

Translucent.

Language Barrier

Yesterday I went to my final root canal appointment to get a permanent filling and be done with this ridiculously long and expensive procedure. (Although compared to what it would have been without insurance, it wasn't that expensive.) I've only been to this dentist once before, but she seems like she knows what she's doing. The only problem is sometimes she can't really explain what she's doing. Or I can't really understand the words that are coming out of her mouth.

My dentist is Russian. And while she has a pretty good command of the English language, her accent can be a bit thick at times and she has trouble finding the appropriate words to use to be clear in her explanations. Case in point:

dentist (use your best Russian accent): You are going to need anesthesia.

me: Oh, ummm, ok?

dentist: Ok, how do your root canal go?

me: It went well. Dr. Gross did a great job. And he bleached my tooth so it doesn't look discolored anymore! (show her tooth)

dentist: Yes, yes, he does a great job with dat. Now today what I am going to do is put a post in. Your tooth is very weak and it needs....it needs (bumping fists together)...it needs reinforcement.

me: So is a post different than a permanent filling?

dentist: (looks at me like she can't believe how little I know about dental work) Ok, yes. Here, let me show you. Dis is thee post. It is translucent.

me: Ok so you're going to put the post in and not a filling?

dentist: Ok what we are going to do today is a permanent filling. And the post will help your tooth.

me: (thinking to myself) Despite trying to get a better explanation, I'm still not 100% sure what is going on. Is she going to gas me? Is the post going to be drilled into my bone? Why do I need anesthesia? Is she talking about just numbing me?

dentist: Ok so you don't need anesthesia.

me: Oh alright?

dentist: Are we good?

me: Yes. We're good.

dentist: Let's get started.

So by the end of that conversation I still didn't have a clear idea of what was going on. Later when she had finished putting the post and the filling in she had me bite down on a blue piece of something. She didn't explain what this was, but kept saying, "Just juujsh it around. Juujsh juujsh juujsh juujsh." Ummm, what??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Up until that day, I had never had a filling...ever! I finally figured out (on my own) that when I bit down on the paper it would show where my bottom tooth was touching the filling. Then she would file the filling down so there wasn't any pressure on the tooth.

I used to feel bad about trying to find doctors whose native language is English. But after that whole "juujsh" incident, I don't feel bad anymore.

Language barrier and all, my root canal is finally finished.

A conversation with Life

Life: Hey Whitney! How are you these days?

Me: I'm good. Well, actually, I'm kind of upset with you.

Life: Why? What did I do this time?

Me: Well, I've discovered something that's a little unfair about you. And it's upsetting me.

Life: I know. I know. It's not fair that some people are rich and some people are poor. And it's not fair that children are starving in the world while you get to throw away food. I get it. But, that's just me. That's just Life.

Me: Oh, actually I was talking about something else that's not fair. And now that I think about it, it pales in comparison to the disparity you just mentioned.

Life: Well, what is it? What's so unfair?

Me: Well, I just noticed noticed something in the mirror today. I'm just getting over a minor breakout of zits. AND I have a few gray hairs. And I was just thinking that it's not really fair that I'm too old for zits and too young for gray hair, yet I have them both...at.the.same.time.

Life: Ya, you're right. That's not really fair at all. I mean, you probably thought when you were a little girl that there would be a time in your life that you'd have clear skin and thick, beautiful, dark brown hair. And that it would be like that for a good chunk of your life.

Me: Ya! I did, actually.

Life: Well, sorry sister. That's just not how I go. That's not the way Life works. But at least you have your health. And food to eat. And a place to sleep at night. And clothes to wear. And...

Me: Ok ok I get it. I'll shut up now...

Dear Society,

I'm guessing you don't see anything wrong with this picture because you helped create this image of "beauty". So I'll fill you in on what I, and I hope many other people, find disturbing about this picture:

Her ribcage. You can actually see the outline of her ribcage. 

Now, people will argue that she's naturally thin. And maybe she is. And if there's an uproar over this photo I'm sure she'll say that she actually doesn't think about what she looks like and eats whatever she wants. Maybe she does. But I'm guessing that's not really true, especially being in an industry where your looks are what get you the job.

Unfortunately many young girls and women will see this picture and decide that in order to be beautiful they should be this skinny, they should sport the ribcage look. So it's not enough to be skinny, we have to look borderline emaciated.

I don't get it. I really don't.

Sincerely disgusted,
Whitney

Resolutionista

A lot happened over Christmas, but with the new year a day away I wanted to make some resolutions. Well, sorta.

I'm not really a resolutionista (I love how anyone can be described as anything by adding "ista" to the end of it: fashionista, bargainista, frugalista, eat too much chocolate-ista). In the past I've actually failed to realize that December 31st had rolled around and woke up January 1 without having made any plans on how I was going to improve my life for the new year. And on years that I did make a list of things I resolved to be better at doing, by the third week in January I had forgotten them. I'd find the list in my journal mid-year and think, "Oh ya, I was going to learn how to knit this year. And not eat fried foods. And run everyday. Hmm, I think I'll go eat some bacon and sit on the couch and not knit."

And this year isn't going to be any different. Because let's face it, you can't really make resolutions and expect them to come to fruition if you never planned on changing the way you lived your life in the first place. Yes, it's nice to say, "This year I'm going to lose weight". But if you never really had a plan as to how you were going to lose said weight, come February you probably will have gained ten pounds. Believe me. It's happened to the best of us.

So why disappoint yourself with a list of unattainable goals? Just do like Amber did. Her resolution list made me laugh. And you know she's keeping every one of her resolutions this year.

In reality I have lots of resolutions I could make for 2011:

eat healthier
exercise more
become a couponer
be more organized
have family home evening more consistently
read more
serve other people
smile
become a scripture-ista...I mean scripturian
go to the temple more often
learn to knit...haha

But if I actually tried to do all of those things starting January 1, I'd get too overwhelmed and quit. So for now, I'll resolve to pick one and work on it. And I won't be surprised if by July I have forgotten what that one thing was.

Happy New Year!

Seeing New York-well, maybe

I'm going to be honest. I never really thought I'd live in New York. Evan and I talked about it as a possibility when we were first married, but it never occurred to me that it would actually happen. There are things I like about where we live and there are things I don't like and won't miss if we move. That being said, I'm starting to feel like we need to take part in all things New York while we're here so we'll have some great memories to look back on. That's why I'm thinking about going to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

 source

I always watched it Thanksgiving morning when I was a kid. It's not something that as a child I told my parents I wanted to attend, but now that we're here, why not? Well, here's why not:

1) The parade starts at 9 am. The official website suggests getting there by 7am to get a good view of the parade. Ummm, website, you must not know me. Hi, I'm Whitney. I hate mornings. I've only become more of a morning person because a) I taught 4th graders starting at 8am. That meant I was at school by 7am. So happy Whitney had to be in attendance by 7:45am. and b) Blake is really the only person that makes me happy in the morning, unless it's 3 in the morning. Then there's no happiness. It's true. Ask my husband. Or my sister.

2) It's going to be cold. It already feels too cold for me these days and the temps are in the 50's! I'm not really a fan of the cold.

3) There will be TONS of people there. Like hundreds of thousands to millions. Which leads me to the next reason.

4) I'm kinda worried that because so many people go to and watch the parade that it is the perfect target for a terrorist attack. I'm serious. It kinda freaks me out. I know you just have to live life, but I'd like to live for a long time.

But beside those 4 reasons, I'd really like to go just to experience it and look back on this time in our lives and say, "Blake, when you were a baby we went to that parade you are watching on TV!" as I am dressed in my cutest housewife dress, heels and pearls, vacuuming, preparing the perfect Thanksgiving dinner, all while sewing a new outfit for our 3rd child. Hahaha ya right. I don't wear heels...although I love them.

So I'm not sure if we'll go. Will it be worth it? Blake won't remember it, so will it really count? (Yes, we'll take pictures to prove it so when this comes out of his mouth: "But we never do anything fun!" I'll just hold the picture in front of him and say, "Yes we do! See!") Would it be better to wait until Blake can appreciate it? Will we even be here when he's that old? Too many questions.

um...updated!

I was in Duane Reade the other day waiting for my prescription to be filled and decided to walk around and look at stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff. Then I noticed something I had never seen before: single-use underwear for ladies. What? I picked up the package and looked for an explanation as to why anyone would need disposable underwear. No explanation. Are women spilling stuff on their regular underwear and think wearing disposable underwear would just be easier to deal with? Or maybe underwear is just disappearing and some women find it easier to buy underwear they are going to throw away after one use anyway. I don't get why anyone would ever need these. Ever.

Update: So I found the company that makes the disposable panties I saw. Their website describes the panties for this use: Because you never know when that time of the month will take you by surprise. Because on the last trip, the airline lost your luggage. Because they're small, and fit anywhere. Because you never know when you're going to work up a sweat.


While I don't think any of the above reasons would convince me to buy them, I guess other people may see them as necessary.