A conversation with Life

Life: Hey Whitney! How are you these days?

Me: I'm good. Well, actually, I'm kind of upset with you.

Life: Why? What did I do this time?

Me: Well, I've discovered something that's a little unfair about you. And it's upsetting me.

Life: I know. I know. It's not fair that some people are rich and some people are poor. And it's not fair that children are starving in the world while you get to throw away food. I get it. But, that's just me. That's just Life.

Me: Oh, actually I was talking about something else that's not fair. And now that I think about it, it pales in comparison to the disparity you just mentioned.

Life: Well, what is it? What's so unfair?

Me: Well, I just noticed noticed something in the mirror today. I'm just getting over a minor breakout of zits. AND I have a few gray hairs. And I was just thinking that it's not really fair that I'm too old for zits and too young for gray hair, yet I have them both...at.the.same.time.

Life: Ya, you're right. That's not really fair at all. I mean, you probably thought when you were a little girl that there would be a time in your life that you'd have clear skin and thick, beautiful, dark brown hair. And that it would be like that for a good chunk of your life.

Me: Ya! I did, actually.

Life: Well, sorry sister. That's just not how I go. That's not the way Life works. But at least you have your health. And food to eat. And a place to sleep at night. And clothes to wear. And...

Me: Ok ok I get it. I'll shut up now...

l-o-v-e

The first time I was sure that I loved Blake was 2 weeks after he was born. That probably sounds weird. You might be thinking, "What? You didn't instantly fall in love with him as soon as you saw him?" Yes, I did love Blake as soon as I got to see him. I loved Blake while he was still in utero! But, while having a baby can be a wonderful experience, there were times after I came home from the hospital that I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I remember holding a screaming Blake one night and thinking, "I've made a mistake. I thought I was cut out for motherhood, but clearly I am NOT!"

While still reeling from an emergency c-section and learning how to cope with a husband who was working in a city a couple thousand miles away, I took Blake for his 2-week check up. (With much needed assistance from my mother. Blake freaked out when I put him in his car seat and I was in tears, ready to call and reschedule the appointment. I.was.a.mess.) I digress.

At Blake's 2-week check up he had to have his heel pricked. As soon as the nurse pricked his heel, the loudest, most helpless cry erupted from his tiny 2-week old body. And I felt it. I felt his pain and had to fight back tears. It was then that I was 100% sure I loved Blake and that this motherly love was here to stay.

At each doctor visit when Blake has to get an immunization, or his blood drawn like today (shudder), I feel it again. I feel the urge to hold back tears as my little baby cries out. I know the shots are for his own good. And there will be other things that cause him pain in his life, whether they come from shots or from other sources. And I'll be there to comfort him every time. Because I love him.

"Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?"

In case you were wondering, Blake is 22 lbs and 30 inches of pure adorableness.

1 year (video update!)

We celebrated Blake's first birthday yesterday! Blake got to play with one of his buddies while I had a root canal and then once Daddy got home, we had a party! And even though we didn't invite anyone over, I was so exhausted by the end of the night that it felt like we had thrown a huge party for him!

He was tentative at first...

but then he dug right in!

Skyping with grandparents

I stole some of his cupcake...

but he didn't care!

 

Opening gifts and skyping with the other set of grandparents

Wait, this party has an end? 

(After spending way too much time trying to figure out how to upload a video that is too large, I finally figured out how to compress and upload it. Phew!)

Happy first birthday, Blake!

1 more day

Tomorrow is Blake's first birthday! I couldn't decide if we should have people come over for a party or just do a family thing. The family thing won. When I told the dentist that we weren't having a party and jokingly said Blake wouldn't remember it anyway, he said, "Well but you'll have pictures of it." Oh great. Thanks dentist*. Now I feel like a horrible mother.

We're sticking with the family thing and will be having a fun-filled day of activities that Blake currently enjoys. We'll do a little car watching, followed by Blake watching videos of himself. We'll probably play with his toys and then if it isn't raining maybe we'll hit up the playground. To top it all off, Blake will get his very first cupcake and some ice cream in celebration of turning 1!

I can't believe this day is almost here. Everyone told me the time would fly and he'd be 1 year old before I knew it. I didn't believe them when he was waking up every 2 hours to eat. I didn't believe them when he was projectile vomiting into my mouth (shudder). I didn't believe them when he was cutting his first tooth.

But now, I'm a believer. I'm about to be the mother of a toddler...

*No, my dentist's name is not Crentist.

another day at the office...

the grass is greener

I know I said that I'm so ready for warmer weather to be here. And I really am.

But, I'm not ready for summer. I'm not ready for the heat, the sweating all day and night, the humidity.

That's probably not fair to complain about winter AND summer.

But I'm just not ready.

older=better?

When I was a teenager I couldn't wait to be a full-fledged adult. Some of my reasons as to why being grown up would be so much better than being a "kid" included:

I'll have my own car
I can go anywhere I want
I can go where ever I want
I can eat whatever I want...on my own couch
I'll have my own apartment
I can sleep until noon and won't get in trouble
I can eat brownies for breakfast
Essentially freedom to the max

There was a period of time when I was pretty free to do whatever the heck I wanted to do. It was called college. And it feels like it was an eternity ago.

But in college I wasn't really on my own or grown up. I did stupid things, although they were pretty fun (pranking dorms, going to Del Taco at all hours of the night, getting chocolate milk thrown at our window...well that wasn't fun) I still didn't know what it meant to be an actual adult. Even when I was first married I was only beginning to experience adulthood. In the last 2 or 3 years I've really started to grasp what it means to be grown up. And sometimes I long for the yesteryears of youth. Here's a translation of what it really means to be an adult:

I'll have my own car = I'll have my own car payment, insurance payment, gas to buy, and repairs to make.
I can go anywhere I want = I can be gone between for a very specific amount of time during a very specific part of the day because it will interfere with Blake's nap.
I can go where ever I want = I can go where ever I want as long as it's free.
I can eat whatever I want...on my own couch = I will learn to not eat anything on my couch.
I'll have my own apartment = I will pay way too much in rent. And a studio apartment is not something that is "really cool".
I can sleep until noon and won't get in trouble = I'll still be tired if I sleep until noon so I might as well get up now.
I can eat brownies for breakfast = I can eat brownies for breakfast when brownies have the same nutritional value as broccoli.
Essentially freedom to the max = Freedom? Ha.

Adulthood isn't all that bad. But it's funny how you can long for something because you have no clue what it will actually be like. Then you get it and you realize you should have read the fine print.