Monday, November 19, 2012

The End

1 week until D-Day.

I don't know what this last week of my pregnancy will bring, but I do know that this baby will be outside my body in one week.

Truth be told, my whole pregnancy I was determined for him to come on his own. Determined not to have another c-section. And when my doctor told me that I was a good candidate for a VBAC, I had the motivation to finish this pregnancy on a positive note.

But I'm 39 weeks* pregnant and there are absolutely no signs that this little boy wants to meet us. And that's kind of depressing.

I haven't done a very good job of recording the monthly happenings of this pregnancy. Mainly because they're kind of depressing, too.

First trimester: Extreme fatigue and nausea (no vomiting, but nausea so severe all I could do was lay on my couch as still as possible while Blake watched TV for hours each morning)

Second trimester: Nausea wears off for the most part, fatigue sticks around, depression sets in. Oh, and hello varicose veins. You are very ugly and itchy.

Third trimester: I've probably felt my best during this last trimester. The antepartum depression I was experiencing only pops up for a day or 2 every few weeks instead of hanging over me for weeks at a time. I'm incredibly uncomfortable as the baby kicks me in the ribs and punches me in the bladder. Oh, and sciatica. Let's add that to the list. For as uncomfortable as I've been, I did start to panic one night when baby boy wasn't moving like he usually does when I was laying in bed. After a few handfuls of chocolate chips (no orange juice on hand...) he kicked up again and I welcomed the discomfort.

This pregnancy hasn't been all bad. A few highlights:

First trimester: Having Blake tell Evan I was pregnant. Evan thought Blake was handing him a thermometer.

Second trimester: Finding out we're having another boy and realizing how perfect this was because we basically had all the baby stuff we would need!

Third trimester: Blake feeling the baby move and listening to him talk about how much he loves him and how he'll help out once the baby gets here. He also likes to remind me not to hit "baby brudder". And of course, having my mom and sister plan a baby shower for me from afar and surprising me at said baby shower. More on that later.

If my memory serves me correctly, Blake's pregnancy was infinitely easier than this one. I thought I was going to be one of those women who had easy pregnancies. Boy was I wrong.

With one week left, it's starting to feel like all the bad stuff didn't matter. I'm alive. The baby is alive. Blake is alive (and can recite whole episodes of his favorite shows...facepalm). So for as much as I've struggled physically and emotionally during this pregnancy, I made it to the end. And as sad as it makes me to think that this delivery will probably be via c-section, I'm trying to remain positive and start gearing myself up mentally for the recovery and postpartum hormones that took me by surprise when I had Blake.

I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. My expectations for the postpartum period are realistic, so I expect life to be pretty rough for a while. Surprisingly, knowing what to expect makes the thought of caring for a newborn again a little less scary.

1 week. I can do it.

*Sorry, no bump picture. I pretty much look the same as my 37 week picture. Maybe a tad rounder.

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